ACT 1

Prologue

                        A plain stage.  CHICO stands D C.

CHICO

Yo.  My name is .... (GLANCES AT HAND) Chico, and I'll be playing myself in tonight's performance.  But unfortunately, before we can begin, we have to go over a few (AIR QUOTES) "Rules and Regulations."  But first, let's see a show of hands.  How many people have seen a show before? 

(Raises her own hand and looks around.)

CHICO

 Yeah, so pretty much everyone.  So you all know the rules.  If you have to go to the bathroom, now's the time to do it.  (BEAT)  Why is no one moving?  Oh well, at least there won't be a line.

(She walks offstage.  Moments later a flush is heard.  She walks back onstage, a piece of toilet paper stuck to her shoe  She struggles for a moment to get it off, and then kicks it into the audience.) 

CHICO

Okay, so now for the rules.

MUSIC 846:  RULES AND REGULATIONS

CHICO

PLEASE DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR

AND DON'T WHISPER TO YOUR NEIGHBOR

THE ACTORS HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING

AND SOMETIMES THEY START DISAPPEARING

 

 (With a poof, smoke fills the stage.  It clears quickly, revealing that CHICO is gone.  She quickly reenters from F L)

CHICO

I'm just kidding, of course.  This isn't a magic show.

WE HATE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING

WHEN THE AUD'ENCE STARTS TO SING

BUT IF YOU HAVE TO SING ALONG

FIRST LEARN THE LYRICS TO THE SONG

Or, you know, just buy the C D.  Then you can sing along at home, or in the shower.  Or whatever.  They're on sale in the lobby and only cost ten dollars each.  

DON'T TAKE PICS WITH CAMERA PHONES, PLEASE

IT SEEMS TO MAKE THE ACTORS SNEEZE

AND ALSO PLEASE DON'T BE A GOOB

THIS SHOULD NOT END UP ON YOUTUBE

Because I, personally, do not want to see myself on the internet, and will leave nasty comments on any video I find.  Thank you.

PLEASE TRY REAL HARD NOT TO COUGH

AND TURN YOUR RINGING CELL PHONES OFF

AND IF YOU BROUGHT YOUR OWN TVS

THEN TURN THEM OFF, NO DVDS

(A protest is heard from the audience.  A PERSON (actor) carrying a large TV down the aisle turns around and trudges back towards the lobby.)

CHICO

DON'T THROW FOOD AT US IN HASTE

DON'T LET TOMATOES GO TO WASTE

IF YOU JUST DON'T LIKE THE SHOW

THEN WALK ON OUT, THAT LETS US KNOW

 

(Ten or fifteen PEOPLE get up and leave. (These are really cast members sitting in unoccupied seats.))

CHICO

SINCE THIS IS A NEW SENSATION

WE WOULD LIKE A LONG OVATION

AND EVEN AT THE SMALLEST PAUSE

THE ACTORS LIKE A LARGE APPLAUSE

(Everything goes silent suddenly, and CHICO starts clapping.)

CHICO

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you (whatever the musical is called)!

(She exits R)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT 1

Music 1: ACT 1

Scene 1

 

(Alleyway behind The City of Lakey Theater in Lakey, Washington.  COOKIE is pacing back and forth in front of the exit while talking on her cell phone.)

 

COOKIE

Yeah, Mom, it’s me.  Cookie.   It’s intermission.  Last show of the season, thank God.  Don’t feel bad that you couldn’t make it; it would have been a long plane flight.  …

This is the last show I’m doing, Mom. …

(A MAN dressed as a ninja enters stealthily from D R.  COOKIE does not appear notice)

COOKIE

No, I’m not going to audition for Dogs.  Not Washington! either.  I hate acting, you know that.  …

(A SECOND MAN dressed as a ninja  enters from U L and a third, dressed the same way enters from R.  COOKIE still doesn’t notice, but glances at her watch.)

COOKIE

Look, intermission is almost over.  Let’s just talk about it tomorrow.  I’ll call you.

(Cookie hangs up her phone, and suddenly notices the men slowly surrounding her.)

COOKIE

If you guys want my autograph, I’ll be signing pictures after the show’s over …  Um, you’re kind of making me nervous; you’re in my personal space.

            (The MEN leap on top of her; blackout)

 

 

ACT 1

Music 2: ACT 1

Scene 2

 

(Lights are black, only a spotlight on COOKIE, who is laying unconscious in D C.  COOKIE awakes, looking around confused.  She stands up as she speaks.)

COOKIE

Where am I?  All I remember is ninjas.  (Gasps)  Oh my god, I must be dead!  Is this heaven?  I thought loved ones were supposed to greet you.  Where’s Gran, and Gramps?  Cousin Louie?  (Frantic)  Oh no!  This must not be heaven!  It … It must be …

 

(Lights go up.  Behind COOKIE is a large sign, similar to the one at Broadway Theater in New York, New York that reads F R A U D W A Y.  PEOPLE are traveling back and forth across the stage carrying instruments, racks of costumes, etc.)

MUSIC 764:  LOVELY DAY ON FRAUDWAY

COOKIE

Fraudway?

T M C

TODAY IS A LOVELY DAY ON FRAUDWAY

GUY

TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY, IT’S SO

DAN

TODAY IS LIKE SPRINGTIME ON FRAUDWAY

CHICO

AND WE’VE STILL GOT EIGHTEEN HOURS LEFT TO GO!

SNO

NO ONE EVER PAID A BILL ON FRAUDWAY

THERE’S HARDLY ANY JUNK MAIL HERE AT ALL

 

CASEY

 

NO MORE WORRYING ‘BOUT DUE DATES

AND NO PROPERTY TAXES IN THE FALL

 

T M C

 

NO ONE EVER COOKED A MEAL ON FRAUDWAY

IF YOU’RE HUNGRY YOU JUST HAVE TO STAND IN LINE

 

GUY

 

MONEY DON’T EXIST HERE ON FRAUDWAY

SO YOUR CREDIT CARD WON’T EVER SAY DECLINE

 

ALL (except COOKIE)

 

EVERY DAY’S A LOVELY DAY ON FRAUDWAY

EVERY DAY IS HAPPY, IT’S SO

EVERY DAY’S LIKE SPRINGTIME ON FRAUDWAY

EVERY DAY IS ALWAYS ALL A GLOW

 

(Music ends)

 

T M C

Okay, everyone.  Let’s all get back to work.  No gawking at the new girl.  (to Chico and Sno) Chic, Sno, you guys give her the tour.  (to everyone else)  I said move it!

            (Stage clears)

COOKIE

I must be unconscious.  This is a dream.  I mean, where else do people spontaneously break out into song and choreographed dance?

CHICO

Nope!  This isn’t a dream.  This is Fraudway!  I’m sure you’re wondering what you’re here for.  You’re an actor, aren’t you?  You’ve been brought here to perform in the galaxy’s greatest plays!

MUSIC 1089:  CAPTURED BY ALIENS

CHICO

CAPTURED

COOKIE

Captured?

CHICO

BY ALIENS

COOKIE (disbelieving)

By aliens.

CHICO

CAPTURED BY BIG TALL GREEN ALIENS

THEY’RE HAIRY

AND SCARY

AND THEY HAVEN’T INVENTED THE LIBRARY

 

(beat)  What?  That was the best rhyme I couldn’t come up with.

CAPTURED

SNO

CAPTURED

CHICO

BY ALIENS

SNO

BY ALIENS

CHICO & SNO

CAPTURED BY BIG TALL GREEN ALIENS

CHICO

THEY’RE HAIRY

SNO

REALLY HAIRY

CHICO

AND SCARY

SNO

SUPER SCARY

AND AROUND THEM PLEASE DON’T BE UNWARY

There.  That was better.

COOKIE

This is some kind of joke.  It has to be.

SNO

No joke.  I know it’s kind of strange, but you get used to it after awhile.

CHICO

We’re entertainment for the aliens.  We perform

COOKIE

Oh no.

CHICO

Yes!  We have the best life ever

CAPTURED

BY ALIENS

CAPTURED BY BIG, TALL, GREEN ALIENS

THEY’RE HAIRY AND SCARY

AROUND THEM DO NOT BE UNWARY!

(End music)

CHICO

Your name is Cookie, right?  Aloha, Cookie.  El gusto is mio, and we’re going to be your tour guides today.  So please keep your seatbelt fastened and your arms inside the vehicle at all times.

SNO

You’re in for a real treat.  We’ve been the tour guides here for almost two years.

CHICO

So long, in fact, that we even have sweatshirts!

SNO

Um … that’s a Little Orphan Danny sweatshirt.

CHICO

So it is. (to COOKIE) I suppose that you realize that you are standing in the face of greatness right now.  The face of legacy.  The face of the American dream.

COOKIE

Huh?

MUSIC 76:  THE CHICO AND SNO SHOW

CHICO

            (L C x R C)

MY NAME IS CHICO!

I’M CHICO, HERE’S SNO

AND YOU KNOW US,

YES YOU KNOW US

FROM OUR TELEVISION SHOW

 

SNO

 

            (aside, to COOKIE)

 

AND IF YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IT

THEN MY ADVISE IS WISE

DON’T EVEN THINK TO TELL HER

IF SHE HEARS THAT, WELL, SHE CRIES

 

CHICO

 

MY NAME IS CHICO!

 

SNO

 

            (crossing to C)

 

SHE’S CHICO

I’M SNO

 

CHICO

 

AND YOU KNOW US

 

SNO

 

YES YOU KNOW US

 

CHICO & SNO

 

FROM OUR TELEVISION SHOW

 

CHICO

 

THE CHICO

 

SNO

 

AND SNO SHOW

 

CHICO & SNO

 

THE CHICO AND SNO SHOW

 

CHICO

 

THE CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO

 

SNO

 

AND SNO SHOW

 

WHERE WE INTERVIEW THE STARS

 

CHICO

 

ALTHOUGH NOW THEY ARE ON MARS

 

AND I ASK THE QUESTIONS

 

SNO

 

THOUGH I GIVE THE SUGGESTIONS

 

CHICO

 

MY NAME IS CHICO FROM

 

CHICO & SNO

 

THE CHICO

 

CHICO

 

THE CHICO

 

CHICO & SNO

 

AND SNO SHOW!

 

(sound effect:  loud, annoying beep)

 

CHICO (to audience)

 

Oh, that’s me.  That’s my pager.  I’m really sorry, but I thought that it was on silent.  I’m really, really sorry.  The director’s going to kill me …

 

            (glances at the device.)

 

CHICO (to SNO)

 

Sorry, Sno, but I’m going to have to leave.  I’m on a mission!

 

SNO

 

Oh, okay.  I guess I’ll have to kind of ad lib it, then.  Goodbye, and good riddance.

 

CHICO

 

Goodbye, Sno.  Goodbye, Cookie.

                       

            (a cappella as she exits L)

 

MY NAME IS CHICO FROM THE CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO AND SNO SHOW!

 

COOKIE

 

Wow.  That girl really likes to hear the sound of her own name.

 

SNO

 

Yeah, you should have heard the theme song for our talk show.  Chico’s name was in it three times as many as mine was.

 

COOKIE

 

Why did you put up with it?

 

SNO

 

Well, I knew that someday I would get into college and Chico wouldn’t.  And when I was gone, it wouldn’t be The Chico and Sno Show anymore.  It would be –

 

COOKIE

 

The Chico Show

 

SNO

 

Well, actually probably the CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO SHOW.

 

COOKIE

 

(laughs)  Yeah, you’re probably right.

 

           

SNO

 

Anyway, I suppose I should start the tour.  If you follow me this way –

 

COOKIE

Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d really rather have a moment to myself.  It’s a lot to take it.  Life feels really surreal right now.  You don’t mind, do you?

 

SNO (disappointed)

 

Oh, no.  If you’d rather.

 

COOKIE

 

Which way to the bathroom?

 

(SNO points L, and COOKIE exits L.  SNO turns around and exits R, kicking the stage as she does.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT 1

Music 3: ACT 1

Scene 3

 

(Lights go up, revealing a restroom with two stalls and a sink.  Both stalls are covered with large graffiti, featuring obvious errors in grammar and spelling. COOKIE is washing her hands at the sink.  She turns around.)

COOKIE (to audience /god)

I hate it here!  I don’t want to be here.  I never wanted to be an actress!  I only acted because it made my mother happy!  I let her live vicariously through me!  What a mistake!  I’m not like these people here!  I hate singing and dancing!  Every time I turn around someone is –

MUSIC 787:  MISSION FROM GOD

COOKIE

Oh, no.

            (CHICO enters from R, not seeming to notice COOKIE)

CHICO

I’M ON A MISSION!

A MISSION FROM GOD!

I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’M DOING

BUT IT MIGHT SEEM KIND OF ODD!

 

I’M ON A MISSION!

TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT!

TO CORRECT ALL SPELLING ERRORS

IN THE BATHROOM DAY AND NIGHT!

 

(CHICO goes over to the stalls, and begins scribbling things out and rewriting furiously.)

 

CHICO

 

I’M ON A MISSION!

ON A MISSION!

I’M ON A MISSION!

ON A MISSION!

I’M ON A MISSION!

ON A MISSION (etc)

 

(CHICO starts to exit L, but suddenly turns around and exits R, and COOKIE stares after her in disbelief)

 

COOKIE

 

Look where acting has gotten me!  I live in a fucking musical!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT 1

Music 2: ACT 1

Scene 4

(Back stage F R A U D W A Y.  SNO is pacing back and forth, a thick script in her hand)

SNO

(A capella, to the tune of Lollipop)

ROMEO ROMEO OOH ROMEY ROMEY ROMEY ROMEO ROMEO OOH ROMEY ROMEY ROMEY ROMEO.

No, no.

 

(Flips ahead a few pages)

 

DENY THY FATHER/REFUSE THY NAME

OR IF THOU WILT NOT/ BUT BE SWORN MY LOVE

AND I’LL NO LONGER BE A CAPULET

 

(COOKIE enters L)

 

SNO

 

TIS BUT THY NAME THAT IS MY ENEMY

THOU ART THYSELF, THOUGH NOT A MONTAGUE

WHAT’S MONTAGUE?  IT IS NOT –

 

COOKIE (Interrupting)

 

What are you doing?

 

SNO

 

Just practicing.  I’m trying to convince T M C that we should do Romeo and Juliet, the Musical!

 

COOKIE

 

Don’t you have better things to do with your time?  Like work on an escape plan or something?

 

SNO

 

Why bother?  No one here knows how to drive a spaceship.

 

COOKIE

Haven’t you guys even tried?

 

SNO

 

Not really.  But don’t worry, Cookie.  I know that we’re going to escape someday.

 

COOKIE

 

You do.

 

SNO

 

Yeah, I still have a lot of hopes and dreams to fufill.

 

COOKIE

 

Like what?

 

MUSIC 5 4 2:  I’M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

 

COOKIE

 

Oh, no.  You’re going to sing, aren’t you?

 

SNO

 

SOMEDAY I'LL BE ON B R O A D W A Y

PERFORMING MY FAVORITE SHOW

SOMEDAY I'LL BE ON B R O A D W A Y

JUST IN CASE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW

 

MY NAME WILL BE IN LIGHTS UP THERE

SHINING BRIGHT ACROSS THE SQUARE

AND MAYBE NO ONE ELSE WILL CARE

BUT I'M GOING TO BE ON B R O A D W A Y

 

COOKIE

 

Whatever.  You are not going to be on Broadway.  Sure, you have the expieriance, but you can’t exactly put “performed in pristine alien theater for six years” on your resume!

 

SNO

 

Yeah, I know that.  It’s only a dream.  But without dreams, life would be pretty boring, don’t you think?

 

 

WELL, I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

SINGING MY FAVORITE SONG

I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

PERFORMING ALL NIGHT LONG

 

THOUGH PRODUCERS TRY TO INTERFERE

MY VISION IS STILL MOSTLY CLEAR

THE SHOW WILL RUN AT LEAST A YEAR

CAUSE I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

 

 

YES, I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

SAYING MY FAVORITE LINES

I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

DRESSED UP TO THE NINES

 

MY FRIENDS, I JUST MIGHT HAVE TO SIEVE

MY AUTOGRAPH I'D HAVE TO GIVE

BUT THAT'S THE LIFE I'M GOING TO LIVE

AND I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

 

YES, I'M GONNA BE ON B R O A D W A Y

 

BUT FOR NOW, I'M STUCK WITH

 

F R A U D W A Y

 

 

(After a moments pause, T M C, GUY, CHICO, ROO and various OTHERS enter R, conglomerating on that side of the stage, away from COOKIE and SNO)

 

T M C

 

Okay, guys.  Who all would like to be Toto?

 

COOKIE (to SNO)

 

What’s going on?

 

MUSIC 5 6 7:  AUDITIONS

 

SNO

 

Auditions.  The Wizard of Oz, it looks like.

 

T M C

 

WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE

DOR O THY?

 

ROO:

 

NOT ME

 

PERSON 1

 

NOT ME

 

PERSON 2

 

NOT ME

 

PERSON 3

 

CERTAINITLY

NOT ME!

CHICO

 

I'D LIKE TO BE

DOR OTHY

 

T M C

 

Uh, no.  Anyone else?

 

GUY:

I COULD ALWAYS BE

DOROTHY

 

T M C

 

YOUR DREAMS, OF COURSE, ARE QUITE SUBLIME

BUT THIS IS NOT A PANTOMIME!

 

CHICO -- WHY NOT GIVE IT A SHOT

SHOW US ALL WHAT YOU HAVE GOT

 

CHICO

 

WHERE DE TROUPS, THEY MELT LIKE CHIMNEY TOPS

OH WAY ABOUT THE LEMON DROPS

IS WHERE YOU DO FIND ME..........

 

(Music ends abruptly, and the OTHERS stare at her)

 

T M C

 

Okay, Guy, you got the part!

 

                                                                                                                                               

SNO (to COOKIE)

 

Hey, Cook, why don't you audition?  I bet you'd get the part!

 

COOKIE

 

Oh, no, I --

 

SNO

 

Hey T!  Hey, everybody!  Cookie will do it!  Cookie will play Dorothy.

 

(Everybody swarms around them, offering comments such as:

 

Way to go!

You'll make a great Dorothy!

Good job!

 

Etc as lights go down.)

             

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT 1

Music 2: ACT 1

Scene 5

(T M C’s office.  This is a backstage area, with storage boxes stacked as a desk, and there is scenery behind it that looks like the wall and  view from an office building.  T M C is sitting on the edge of the desk, reading a thick manuscript.)

(COOKIE enters stage R, but hesitates a little.)

COOKIE

I just realized where I know you from!  You’re Thelma Mary Caroline, the actress!

            (T M C looks up)

 

COOKIE

 

Yeah, you used to play L J from Crowd Hoot!  That was my favorite T V show!  You know, everyone on Earth thinks you faked your own death.  They think that because there was no body …

 

T M C (not interested)

 

Interesting.  Is there something I can help you with?

 

COOKIE

 

Oh yeah.  I needed to talk to you about the show.

 

            (T M C jumps off her desk)

 

T M C

 

It’s going to be great, isn’t it?

 

COOKIE

 

I just don’t think that I’m the best person to –

 

T M C

 

You’re worried about the ad libbing?  It’s kind of intimidating the first time, but don’t worry, it’s easier than it looks.  I mean, as long as you know the lyrics to the songs Dorothy sings … what does she sing?  Somewhere Over the Rainbow, but everyone knows that one.  What else?  …  That’s all that comes to mind.  You know the lyrics to Somewhere, don’t you?

 

COOKIE

 

Well, yeah, I do, but .—

 

T M C

 

If it would make you more comfortable, I can summarize it for you.  Give you an idea of what direction it should head.

 

            (Stage lights dim, a spotlight on T M C)

 

T M C (in an official voice)

 

The Wizard of Oz, the musical.  Directed by T M C.  Starring Cookie as Dorothy, and Chico and the Munchkin.

 

(aside)

 

Except that I’m performing them both right now.

 

(to audience)

 

The lights go up –

 

(lights go up)

 

-- reveling a beautiful Kansas city.  Kansas City or Kansas the State:  Unknown.  Young Dorothy is chilling.

 

 

MUSIC 145 A:  WIZARD OF OZ IN FOUR MINUTES

 

T M C

 

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

OH LOOK A STORM

THERE IT GOES, TAKING MY HOUSE

NOW WATCH THE STAGE TRANSFORM

 

(T M C pulls a large shirt over her head that reads in large letters:  SO WHAT IF I’M SHORT.  She falls to her knees and speaks in a slight squeaky voice)

 

WELCOME TO MUNCHKIN LAND

TO MUNCHKIN LAND, TO MUNCHKIN LAND

WELCOME TO MUNCHKIN LAND

WHERE WE ARE REALLY SHORT

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

WHICH OLD WITCH, THE WICKED WITCH

DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD

 

SHE'S GONE WHERE THE GOBLINS GO

BELOW BELOW BELOW

AND NOW WE’LL SING ABOUT IT

 

            (T M C turns and starts ‘marching’)

 

FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW FOLLOW

 

            (In a normal voice, to COOKIE)

 

Well, you get the idea.

 

            (Stands up)

 

Intermission.  The best fifteen minuets of the show.

 

            (Grabs a show program off her desk and flips through it.)

 

T M C

 

Wow, Cookie, I didn’t know that you were in LILO AND STITCH THE MUSICAL.

 

What?  My understudy is Bronson Pinochet?

 

Oh my god.  My head shot.  I don’t look like that anymore! 

 

(takes a drink)

 

Oh, yeah, have to change my costume.

 

(Takes off the shirt)

           

T M C

 

Ahem.  We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

 

MUSIC 145 B:  WIZARD OF OZ IN FOUR MINUTES

 

IF I ONLY HAD A HEART

AND I ONLY HAD A BRAIN

AND I ONLY HAD SOME COURAGE

I COULD DRIVE THE GIRLS INSANE

NOW

WE’RE

OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD

THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ

THE WIZARD OF OZ IS ONE BECAUSE

BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE

(crossing L)

 

LOOK AT THE LITTLE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN

WE’LL NEVER GET HOME NOW, FOR CERTAIN

 

            (x R)

 

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

WHICH OLD WITCH?  THE OTHER WITCH

ALL THE WICKED WITCHES ARE DEAD

BUT THE MUNCHKINS ARE STILL SHORT

 

            (tapping shoes together)

 

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HO OH OH OH OH ME.

So, that’s basically how it goes.  All you really have to do is stand around and look cute.  Easy, huh?  Well, I have to go check on the props department.  See if they found the shoes.  See you around.

            (T M C exits left, while singing a cappella)

T M C

PUTTING IT TOGETHER!  BIT BY BIT!

 

 

 

ACT 1

Music 2: ACT 1

Scene 5

            (COOKIE is standing back stage alone)

COOKIE

Wow.  There’s only an hour left to go … you think people would be getting ready or something … Not like I care, anyway.   I don’t want to do this.

Hey!  Maybe I could sabotage the show!  Do a really bad job, then I’ll never have to act again!  I’d be so bad, that the aliens would hate me and they’d banish me back to earth!

Why didn’t I think of that before?

(COOKIE exits L.  People begin scurrying across the stage, l x r and r x l, carrying instrument cases, props, scenery, chairs, music stands, etc)

MUSIC 549: THE SHOW

ALL

 

THE SHOW! THE SHOW!

IT’S TIME TO START THE SHOW!

 

CHICO

 

HOW AGAIN DOES MY PART GO?

 

T M C

 

OH MY GOD, YOU STILL DON’T KNOW?

 

COSTUME DESIGNER

 

I’VE STILL GOT THIRTEEN SHIRTS TO SEW

 

SNO

 

WHERE ARE THOSE WEIRD STICKS THAT GLOW?

 

ROO

 

THE PLAY, THE PLAY,

THEY DO THIS EVERY DAY!

 

GUY

 

I FOUND MY HAT THAT’S MOSTLY GRAY!

 

ROO

 

YOU KNOW IN THAT, YOU LOOK SO GAY

 

GUY

 

THAT’S WHAT I AM ANYWAY!

 

            (ROO and GUY exit R, MUSICIANS gather M)

 

MUSICIAN ONE

 

HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY FLUTE?

 

MUSICIAN TWO

 

DON’T PLAY THIS PART WITHOUT YOUR MUTE

 

MUSICIAN THREE

 

BUT I THINK IT NEEDS AN EXTRA TOOT

 

T M C

 

OH, THIS SHOW WILL BE A HOOT.

 

            (ALL exit while singing)

 

ALL

 

THE SHOW! THE SHOW! THE SHOW! THE SHOW!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INTERMISSION

(As people begin to get up and move, CHICO walks onstage, along with several BANDIES dressed in sharp marching outfits.)

(T M C runs quickly on stage)

T M C

Chico!  What are you doing!

CHICO

The half time show.

T M C

This isn’t a football game, Chico! This is a musical!  We don’t have half time; we have intermission!

(EVERYONE exits, BANDIES grumbling)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACT 2

Music 2: ACT 2

Scene 6

(ROO, CHICO, SNO, GUY, T M C, and others are sitting around onstage, depressed.)

T M C

That was the worst show I’ve ever directed.

GUY

It was like everything fell apart.

SNO

Did you hear the aliens boo?  It was so horrible!  What happened?

ROO

It was Cookie, she was saying all the wrong lines, leading everyone in the wrong direction.

GUY

I knew it was a bad idea for someone so new