ROO:

 

It's a musical, based loosly on the story of Tarzan.  A young baby is abandoned in the forest by his heterosexual parents.  He is found by a young lesbian who takes him back to her partner.  The other mother grugidly decides he can stay.

 

However, as he grows to be nine or twelve years old, his other mother kicks him out of the tribe because she is heterophobic.  She thinks that if people look at him, they'll turn straight.

 

He then lives by himself in the forest for many years, with only his lesbian mother to guide him.  The two come up with a plan that takes the young man and his other mother in the heart of hetero land.  His other mother is quite excited to find the town full of pretty women in dresses and such, but is distressed to find her adopted child is studying the flowers.  She doesn't realize that he's only trying to make her happy.

 

She says to him, "Please son, please look at the girls!"

 

And then he becomes part of the town.

 

The end.

 

COOKIE:

 

Are you serious?

 

ROO:

 

I'm serious.

 

SNO:

 

That's an awesome idea, Roowey!  But I'm curious, what's the theme?

 

ROO:

 

It's great to be straight!

 

COOKIE:

 

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.  Everyone knows that there's nothing wrong with being straight!

 

ROO:

 

Except the heterophobic.  That's the intended audience.

 

COOKIE:

 

There is no such thing as heterophobic!  It doesn't exist!

 

ROO:

 

Wow.  That really hurts.  Constructive critism, okay, but that?

 

(Roo exits L)

 

SNO:

 

You could try a little harder to make friends around here, you know.

 

COOKIE

 

Why bother?  Everyone around here is either stupid or annoying!

 

SNO

 

Including me?  Sorry to bother you.

 

 (Sno exits L, lights dim)

 

 

 

EDIT:

 

COOKIE

 

You probably don't even know one person that's "heterophobic."  I dare you to point out one person!  Go ahead -- just one!

 

ROO (calling off stage)

 

Yo, T!

 

(T M C enters)

 

T M C

 

Yo what?

 

ROO (x L, away from Cookie as though it's some sort of state secret)

 

I just gotta tell you this!  I heard that Cookie is dating one of the guys from props!

 

T M C

 

What?  She's straight?

 

ROO

 

Yeah, I even saw them kissing.

 

T M C

 

Oh my god, that is so gross.  I think I'm going to throw up!  Why did you tell me?

 

ROO

 

Well, I just thought you'd like to know.

 

T M C

 

Why would anyone choose to be straight anyway?  I can't be around straight people.  I just can't.

 

exits in disgust.

 

ROO (to COOKIE)

 

Well, there's one.

 

 

 

LIGHTS GO UP

ON A QUIET VILLAGE

EVERYONE THERE IS

GAY, BUT STRAIGHT

 

A BABE IS BORN

TO A HAPPY COUPLE

THOUGH THE SHOCK

IS THERE ON THEIR FACE

 

A PORT WINE STAIN

ON THE BABY'S PERFECT

FETURES, IT IS SUCH

A HUGE DISGRACE

 

 

 

 

(AY CARUMBA?)

 

THE LIGHTS GO UP ON A VILLAGE

THE PEOPLE ARE GAY, BUT STRAIGHT

A MAN IS HOLDING A BABY

NEXT TO HIS LOVELY SOUL MATE

 

BUT THE BABY HAS A BIRTH MARK

A BRIGHTLY RED PORT WINE STAIN

IT IS A SHAME TO THEIR PEOPLE

THE BABY CANNOT REMAIN

 

ATTENTION CHANGES TO THE FOREST

A LITTLE TRIBE IN THE GREENS

THE WOMAN ARE ALL LESBIAN

AND THE MEN ARE ALL QUEENS

 

TWO WOMAN PLAYING WITH THEIR DAUGHTER

WHO APPEARS NEARLY THREE

YES, EVERYONE IS VERY HAPPY

IN THEIR LARGE FAMILY

 

AND THEN WILL START A LIGHT PERCUSSION

XYLOPHONE AND MAYBE STRINGS

THEN THEY ABANDON THE BABY

AND HERE'S THE STORY IT BRINGS:

 

OH THIS WILL BE A HUGE SENSATION

FOLKS WILL LINE UP AT THE DOOR

IT WILL GET A STANDING OVATION

NOT ONE SINGLE SNORE!

 

THEN WE'LL SEEN A STRANGE TRIBE

WITH LESBIANS AND GAY MEN

WHO'VE BEEN OUTCASTED BY THE STRAIGHT PEOPLE