CHICO

 

Hello, Cookie, el gusto is mio, and we're going to be your tour guides today.  So please keep your seatbelt fastened and your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

 

SNO

 

You're in for a treat.  We've been the tour guides here for almost two years.

 

CHICO

 

So long, we've even got sweatshirts!

 

SNO

 

Chico, that's a Hairspray sweatshirt.

 

CHICO

 

So it is.  (to COOKIE) I suppose that you're aware that you're in the prescense of greatness.  The prescense of legacy.  The prescence of the all-american dream.

 

COOKIE:

 

Huh?

 

 

CHICO  (x r c)

 

MY NAME IS CHICO

I'M CHICO, HERE'S SNO

AND YOU KNOW US

YES YOU KNOW US

FROM OUR TELEVISION SHOW

 

SNO (ASIDE)

 

AND IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN IT,

THEN MY ADVICE IS WISE

DON'T EVEN THINK TO TELL HER

IF SHE HEARS IT, WELL, SHE CRIES

 

CHICO

 

MY NAME IS CHICO

 

SNO

 

SHE'S CHICO

I'M SNO

 

CHICO

 

AND YOU KNOW US

 

SNO

 

YES YOU KNOW US

 

CHICO

 

FROM OUR TELEVISION SHOW

THE CHICO

 

SNO

 

AND SNO SHOW

 

TOGETHER

 

THE CHICO AND SNO SHOW

 

CHICO

 

THE CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO

 

SNO

 

AND SNO SHOW

 

WHERE WE INTERVIEW THE STARS

 

CHICO

 

ALTHOUGH NOW THEY ARE FROM MARS

 

I ALWAYS ASK THE QUESTIONS

 

SNO

 

ALTHOUGH I GIVE THE SUGGESTIONS

 

CHICO

 

MY NAME IS CHICO FROM

 

 

 

TOGETHER

 

THE CHICO

 

CHICO

 

THE CHICO

 

TOGETHER

 

AND SNOOOOOOOOO SHOW

 

 

(sound effect:  loud annoying beeping)

 

CHICO

 

Oh, that's me.  That's me.

 

(Digs into her pocket, and pulls out a small device.)

 

It's my pager.

 

(Glances at it.)

 

Sorry, Sno, but I'm going to have to leave.  I'm on a mission!

 

SNO

 

All right, see you around.

 

CHICO

 

Goodbye, Sno.  Goodbye, Cookie.  (A cappella as she exits L) MY NAME IS CHICO FROM THE CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO CHICO AND SNO SHOW! CHICO!

 

COOKIE

 

Wow.  That girl really likes to hear the sound of her own name.

 

SNO

 

Yeah.  You should have heard our theme song.  Chico's name was in it three times as many as mine was.

 

COOKIE

 

Why did you put up with it?

 

SNO

 

Oh, because I knew that I would get into college and she wouldn't.  And when I was gone, it wouldn't be The Chico and Sno Show anymore.  It would just be --

 

COOKIE (interupting)

 

The Chico Show?

 

SNO

 

Well, yeah.  Probably.  Or the ... Chico Chico Chico Chico Chico Chico Show.  But anyway, I guess I should show you around.

 

COOKIE

 

Actually ... I've really got to go to the bathroom.

 

SNO

 

Oh, sure.  They're straight that way, you can't miss them.  Big ol' sign.  And an arrow, brought to you by the props department.

 

(Sno exits R and Chico exits L as lights dim.)