All The Things She Said

Alternatively: 

Based loosely on the song "All the Things She Said" as sung by Tatu

Yo.

By Thelma Mary Caroline

(A N:  this is about a particular situation, but please read it as though it's Hannah and L J, or Charley and L J, or some other girl and L J.)

I don't even know when it happened.  How it happened.  Anything.

I lay in bed, night after night, unable to sleep.  Everything she said runs through my head, over and over and I can't shut it off.  Every word, every smile.  Every glance. 

Still it's not enough.

I don't even understand it.  My feelings.  How did everything change?  I need help.  Someone, anyone.  Her.  She knows the answers.  She has to.

She seems different now.  I see her so different.  So much more beautiful.  So much more funny.  I think about her all the time, all day.

It seems like everyone around us notices.  It's my imagination.  No one else knows, except for us.  No one else could possibly read anything into the excanged glances and grins.  They can't know.

Still, I want to run away.  To Canada, maybe.  Where people don't know us, and won't care.

And I lay alone, thinking, wishing she was there, holding me.

But it's wrong.  Everything I think is wrong.  I have to forget it, forget my feelings for her.  No one else would understand.  No one but us.

So it's wrong.  And it'll be my fault, when everyone finds out.  It will be my fault for feeling this way.

I know she feels the same way.  She likes me every bit as much as I like her.

Maybe I can help it.  Maybe I can forget how I feel.  Maybe I can pretend otherwise.

But I can't sleep.  I want to be with her.  I need her to be with me.

And everything she said to me plays over and over in my head, on constant repeat.  Every time I close my eyes, I see her flash a bright smile at me.

My mother knows.  I'm sure she knows.  She sees the two of us together, smiling and laughing at some unknown joke.  Tell me, mom, tell me what you see?  Can you tell? 

And Dad.  He stares at us too, disapprovingly.  Does he disapprove of her, or of us?  It's too hard to tell. 

Will I ever be out of this mess?  Will everything go back to normal?  Can it go back to normal, after everything that's happened?

I don't know the answers.  I don't know about anything.  I just know that everything she says repetes itself in my head for days and days.  I just know that I long for her to be around me.  I yearn to see her smile.  And I know she feels the same.